I Always Have
by MooMoogle
Summary: Edmund regrets. He regrets even as he stands beside the Great Lion, because he can see the disappointment in his brother’s eyes. :Sweet little songfic about how Peter and Edmund sort it all out No slash or incest:


**Disclaimer. **_I own nothing._

**A/N. **_Just a sweet little brotherly fluff songfic I made in my spare time. "Far Away" by Nickelback. Highly recommended to be listened to. Also, I know I might have a few past tense/present tense errors- I ain't the best at present tense, so it might have just 'slipped' in a few places. Anyways, enjoy!_  
_--------  
This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait…_

Edmund regrets. He regrets even as he stands beside the Great Lion, because he can see the disappointment in his brother's eyes. He knows Peter is hesitant towards him. He knows that Peter can't trust him. None of his siblings can trust him; he sees the betrayal mirroring from their emotionless faces. So badly he longs to spout his apologies, to beg forgiveness, to have them welcome him. But his lips are dry, and they do nothing of the sort. Unable to bear it any longer, he drops his gaze.

Finally Aslan breaks the uneasy silence. "What is done is done; there is no need to speak to Edmund about what has past." Then, much to the boy's despair, the Lion walks away, leaving the four siblings alone, one unable to cross the line to the other three.

He feels himself withering in the silence that seems to last forever. He is drowning in it, so much he feels he will surely die of suffocation. Before he does, he forces out a small, quiet, word, managing to glance up shyly at them; "Hullo."

Then, much to his relief, Lucy smiles, unable to hide her joy as she rushes forward to throw her arms around him. No matter his exhaustion, a tired smile crosses his faces as he welcomes the affection, returning it with an embrace of his own. He remembers that he often used to push her away; now, he was never happier to receive a hug from his little sister.

A small hand rests on his shoulder, causing him to look up. He finds himself face to face with Susan, letting Lucy pull away. He marvels at his sister; she always tried to look and act older than she was…And now, she looks older, and at the same time, possessing the carefree glimmer of the playful child she used to be. Again, he is swept away in a much needed embrace, and his worries begin to fade away.

"Are you alright?" Susan pulls back, worry etched through her face. That is when his exhaustion fully hit him.

"I'm…a little tired," he admits. Susan can see that. Another voice speaks up.

"Then get some rest."

_I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
far away for far too long_

Just as quickly as they faded, his regrets slowly creep through him again. The grim face of his brother stands across from him. Peter has not forgiven him. Edmund understands. Still, Peter nods his head toward his tent- the one they will share.

Edmund drops his solemn gaze from his brother, digging his hands into his pockets as he begins in the direction he has been sent, eyes downcast. His siblings watch him depart, Susan and Lucy sending slightly disbelieving looks towards their brother. But Peter does not notice; he only watches, overwhelmed that his little brother is safe, acknowledging the growing distance between them. He, too, is at a loss for words, cursing himself for his inability to say something kind, to cross the rift between them.

"And Edmund?" He snaps his head back to Peter, his face filled with a mixture of hope and dread. He fears his brother. He is finally tired of the constant snapping at each other, wanting it to cease, but he is prepared to absorb any that may come his way. Lord knows he deserves it.

And, at the same time, Peter is filled with sadness and hurt. He reads his brother's expression with shame. He is guilty, because he believes that it is his fault that he looks upon Edmund and sees the wounds his little brother has endured. He believes he drove him away to this fate.

Finally regaining his composure, Peter offers a small, but nonetheless sincere smile as he says, "Try not to wander off."

A rare grin crosses the younger boy's lips, causing Peter's to widen in his own silent relief. Then Edmund is gone.

---

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up_

"Edmund! There's too many! Get out of here! Get the girls, and get them home!"

Peter is frantic as he commands his brother, half pleading as he manages to dodge a sword meant to end his life. He wants to cry out as he sees the fire in his brother's eyes, the disbelief across Edmund's face as he is about to protest. To his relief, Beaver tugs on the skirt of Edmund's chain mail, yelling at him to follow. Peter cannot watch as his brother leaves; he only focuses on bringing his enemy to the ground to never move again. He knows he will die, but still he fights on. He fights for Aslan, for Narnia, for his siblings; for Edmund. These were the creatures that killed Him; the creatures that enslaved His country; the creatures who threatened his siblings; the creatures who had nearly taken life from his brother. And for that, he will fight to the death.

But Edmund does not leave.

Halfway, he stops short, pulling from Beaver's small paw. Whirling around, he gazes at his older brother with despairing eyes. He knows he cannot win alone. Peter did not deserve what Peter had condemned himself to. Something roots Edmund's feet to the rock he stands upon, unable to move to safety, or to the aide of his brother. He is afraid.

But then his fear turns wild as he finds himself drawn to another figure moving trough the battle with cool. She is clad in skirts of chain mail, His mane the collar of the dress; she bears her prize with dark cruelty. She is not afraid, but instead content, almost humored by the happenings around her. Without a slipped movement, she raises her wand and sword, ending the lives of two brave gryphon, whom give a final cry that chills Edmund's blood.

He finds his gaze moving between his brother and the Witch, and soon, he comprehends. He understands; the Witch is set on killing his brother, on killing Peter Pevensie, _High King of Narnia_.

She will not…_She will not!_

"Peter said to get out of here!" cries Beaver, motioning with his hand urgently. But Edmund does not care.

And though Peter is King in his mind, he still answers, "Peter's not King yet!"

There is a wild flurry within him as he rushes across the cliff…_crossing the rift between them_…he cannot fail. For once, he knows it his time, his stand, and he must take it, or his brother would die.

_So far away  
far away for far too long  
So far away  
For far away for far too long_

And he seems so far away…He is running, kicking hard against the stone beneath his feet, eyes fixed on the cold figure of _her_, his breath quickening as he runs…She raises her wand, nearing Peter with unimaginably long, fierce strides…

_You know  
that I love you  
I have loved you all along_

"_AHH!"_

With a cry, he leaps from the small cliff…_he leaps across the rift_…sword raised over his head, bringing down the weapon as his feet hit the ground. But she sees him as he throws himself down in her way. Moving her wand from the path of his sword, she makes an attempt, moving her own blade towards him, her wand jabbing at him; but he will not _give up_. He will not _let Peter down_. He dodges, whirling around as he raises his blade, before letting it come crashing down. And this time, it hits its target.

A small scream escapes the wicked woman's lips as her wand shatters, releasing cruel magic as a fierce blue glow blinds Edmund momentarily. But he is filled with chiding content; for, as he watches the shards hit the blood-stained fields, he knows her hold over Narnia was gone. Never again would the country suffer endless winters; never again would any creature be turned to stone.

Faintly, somewhere far away through the buzzing his head, he hears his name screamed by a familiar voice.

Though, battle is still at hand. Malice fills the Witch's cold eyes as she scowls, leaping upon the hesitated boy mercilessly. Easily, she disarms him, her blade knocking his own from his hand. The moment he feels the steel hilt wrenched from his grasp, he cries out.

_You know  
that I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say…_

Blood pounds in his ears as he doubles over, aware of a sharp, breathtaking pain seizing his frame. His eyes slam shut in attempt to make it stop, to make it go away, but it does not. A terrible gasp is all that crosses his lips, and any one who heard it would cringe at the obvious pain in the sharp intake of breath. _She_ hears it; only a sneer curls her lip.

Unable to stand any longer, he lets the ground rush up to meet him, crumpling upon the fields, abandoned to gasping for breath alone.

---

…_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long_

_So keep breathing  
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

Peter cradles his brother in his arms, silent, disbelieving tears rolling down his face as he listens to the fading gasps of his brother. "Don't leave me, Ed; hold on, just a little longer," he pleads, whispering softly into Edmund's ear even as Lucy lets a drop of shimmering red liquid fall onto the boy's open lips as he fights for breath…for life.

He is in disbelief, shock, as he looks upon his little brother, Edmund's face twisted in agony he feels no one has or _should_ ever feel. He himself cannot bear to gaze at him any more and once more bends over, whispering pleads into his brother's ear, even if Edmund cannot hear what he is saying. He is saying that he forgives him, that he had ever since he had seen the heart wrenching image of his little brother standing weakly next to the Great Lion. He is saying he loves him, that he _always had_, even through their years of bitterness. And all the while, he is pleading for Edmund's life, asking forgiveness for being misunderstanding, asking him to _just come back_.

Never more in his life has Peter felt this guilty, this helpless as he watches his brother fade. Faster, the thick tears fall…Until Edmund lies silent, the pain gone from his face. Peter slams his eyes shut, both in fear and to send a desperate prayer to Aslan; _'just let him live!'_

Finally, he lets his blue eyes open slowly, afraid of what he knows he will see. And when he does see, tears continue to leak from his eyes. But instead, they were wide open in disbelief.

Edmund coughs, his eyes fluttering open drearily as he looks at his siblings, a small smile on his face, though his eyes bear confusion. But soon it abruptly disappears to alarm as Peter pulls him up from the ground into his arms, fervently crying as he does so. "I forgive you, Eddy; and I love you," he whispers between tears. Edmund listens to those words, each syllable impacting him; he begins to cry. Finally, Peter pulls away, his eyes connecting with his brother's. "_I always have._"

"We have, too." Susan and Lucy both kneel, smiling warmly at their brother.

Edmund smiles weakly, brushing away his tears. "Me too." He nods once, giving a deep, shuddering breath. Peter gives something of a grin, embraces his brother again; Susan and Lucy laugh, joining in as they fling their arms around their brothers.

Edmund no longer regrets. Not now. Because he knows now that his siblings _do_ love him; Peter _does_ forgive him. And he is happy with that knowledge.

"_Me too."_

_Believe it  
Hold on to me and never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and never let me go_


End file.
